God's Word on Divorce

Then Jesus left Capernaum and went down to the region of Judea and into the area east of the Jordan River. Once again crowds gathered around him, and as usual he was teaching them. Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?” Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?” “Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.” But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” Later, when he was alone with his disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again. He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.” Mark 10:1-12 (New Living Translation, NLT)

Marriage is a binding covenant before God. According to this passage, God intends for it to last until death, and is not to be divided by man, or through man’s laws and rules. Many people, even Christians, approach divorce as if there’s an escape clause that will get them out of it if they become unhappy with their spouse. Jesus Himself said that Moses had permitted divorce because the peoples’ hearts were hard. He did not say that God had granted such permission. God actually hates divorce because it is division, and division comes from satan. Jesus went as far as to say that someone who divorces someone and marries another person is committing adultery because the first marriage is still valid in God’s eyes.

However, there are actually a limited number of reasons that divorce is acceptable. Jesus mentioned one of them in Matthew 19.

And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.” Matthew 19:9 (New Living Translation, NLT)

Adultery is a legitimate reason for divorce according to Jesus. The reason it is considered a reason for divorce is because the act of adultery, or marital unfaithfulness, breaks the covenant. Therefore, since the marriage covenant is already broken, divorce would not be breaking the covenant because the covenant has already been ended by the act of adultery. God would love to see the two parties reconcile and for forgiveness to restore the covenant, but if it is not possible, then a divorce can be pursued.

Paul adds to the discussion on divorce, telling us that desertion by an unbelieving spouse is also a reason for divorce.

But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him….. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. I Corinthians 7:12-13, 15 (New Living Translation, NLT)

If you are married and your spouse does not wish to remain married, the Lord does not hold you responsible for the divorce. Once the other person chooses to violate the covenant before God by divorce, they are sinning, which is an act of unbelief. In this case, I believe the person who is intent on getting the divorce is hard-hearted and can be viewed as an unbeliever in the situation, and the believer can let them go. Then, the believer would be free to remarry. However, every effort should be made to hold the marriage together if at all possible.

Finally, this same passage implies one more reason for divorce, which is abuse of one spouse by the other, especially physical abuse. When one spouse is harming the other one, the abuser is clearly not acting as a believer and we could view them as the unbeliever in this scenario. This verse tells us that God has called us to live in peace. Peace is the Greek word eirene, which refers to peace, quietness, and rest. These are not possible when one is being abused. When a man or woman refuses to live with his or her spouse in peace, they are not pleased to dwell with them. Pleased in the Greek means to think well of, to feel gratified with. Clearly one who is doing harm to another is not thnking well of them nor are they gratified by them. They are exhibiting behavior that violates the covenant they made when they promised to honor and cherish their spouse. It is my sincere belief, based on Scripture and the loving nature of God, that divorce in such a case would be permitted.

So, we see that God hates divorce because it breaks a covenant was made before Him. However, divorce is biblically permitted based on adultery, desertion, and abuse. If you are divorced and you did not divorce based on one of these three reasons, all is not lost. You can repent and ask God to forgive you for your part in the breaking of that covenant. God does not expect you remarry the person you divorced in order to make everything right. The covenant was broken, and now since you have repented with a sincere heart, you are no longer guilty of the sin of divorce. If you have remarried, God will now honor the new marriage and the blood of Jesus covers it all. But, we are not to use the forgiveness of God and His grace as a loophole that allows us to get a divorce anytime we want one. Marriage was created by God and what He has joined together is not to be separated.