We Must Leave To Cleave

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24 (KJV)

And the One, having responded, said, “Did you not read [in Gen 1:27] that the One having created from the beginning ‘made them male and female’? And He said [in Gen 2:24], ‘For this reason a man will leave-behind his father and his mother and will be joined to his wife. And the two will be one flesh’. So then, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God paired-together, let a person not separate”. Matthew 19:4-6 (Disciples Literal New Testament, DLNT) emphasis mine

The Bible tells us in Genesis that when two people are married they are to leave their parents and become one with their spouse. And Jesus quotes this verse in His teaching, adding that once they are united by God, they shall not be separated by people. This means our mate is to be our priority over any other relationship- other than our relationship with God.

We must be cautious not to allow our family relationships to interfere with or interrupt our married relationships. When we get married, our husband or wife is to be more important than our parents, siblings, or any family member- even more important than our children (once we have them).

Sometimes we can allow our mother or father to come between us and our spouse, and this should not be so. It can be obvious, such as threatening to go home to our parents when things get difficult in a marriage. It can also be subtle, such as comparing how our spouse does things to how our mother or father does them. “This meatloaf isn’t the same as Mom’s meatloaf” sounds like an innocent statement, and may not cause any issues with your wife at the time. However, if more small, seemingly innocent comparisons are routinely made, you are allowing your mother to come between the two of you. This can create a wedge that can widen over time. What God paired-together, let a person not separate.

There will be times when we have to forgo doing things for family members outside our own household in order to keep our spouse the priority. This may mean declining invitations from parents, siblings, cousins, etc. You may have to skip that family reunion or say no to the dinner invitation from Mom. Your brother’s request to come for a visit may need to be rejected to maintain peace in your home. This does not mean a husband or wife can be unreasonable and pressure their mate to stop having a relationship with their parents or other family members. It simply means that the relationship we once had with other family members must now take a back seat to the marriage relationship. Family is important, but we are to leave father and mother and cleave to our mate. You must leave in order to cleave. A separation must be made between us and family, or a separation may come between us and our spouse.

Now, to balance this out, we must not be overly critical about our spouse’s family. This will cause strife and hard feelings, and will make it difficult for our spouse to desire to put us above other family members. Always walk in love towards your spouse and use kindness and gentleness if you must address anything negative about their parents, siblings, etc.

We must also use caution with friendships. It is healthy and positive for married couples to have friends other than their mate. However, the spouse is to be our closest and most important friend. Intimate things are to remain confidential between a husband and wife. Don’t go telling things to your friends that are private between you and your spouse. That is one of the biggest ways to destroy trust and cause serious harm to a marriage. And don’t speak in a critical way about your mate to others. If your spouse is doing something that annoys you, then take your complaint to them and discuss it in a constructive way. When we tear down our husband or wife to others, it creates a divide or a separation between us.

Even our own children can come between us. God did not tell us to cleave to our children. We are to cleave, or become one with, our spouse only. As a matter of fact, there will come a day when the children leave us to cleave to another. This s healthy and good. When we give a child more importance than our husband or wife, it can create an unhealthy bond between parent and child, and cause a division between spouses.

And in today’s world, we must address ex-spouses and stepchildren. These relationships must also not come between you and your spouse.

Be the spouse your husband or wife needs you to be. Be the mate God intended. Put them in front of other relationships. Don’t allow anyone to separate, or come between, you.