A Recipe For Misery

Today I am going share the ingredients to whip up a dish called Misery. It has a distinctive flavor, quite bitter with strong hints of sourness. I have had it myself a few times, and although I don’t plan to have it again in the future, I thought you might like to have the recipe on file.


  • 3 cups of pride

  • 2 cups of regret

  • 2 cups of resentment

  • 1 cup of selfishness

  • 2 Tablespoons of reasoning

  • 1 Tablespoon of complaining

  • 2 teaspoons of strife

  • 1 teaspoon of envy

  • 1 teaspoon of self-pity

  • A pinch of unbelief


Stir together the pride, regret, resentment and selfishness in a large bowl until combined. Let the mixture sit until it increases to double its size- which won’t take long with that combination of ingredients. Incorporate the reasoning into the mix, which will make it more difficult to handle. If you don’t have any reasoning on hand, you may substitute logic or even the more commonly found asking-why. In a smaller bowl, blend together the complaining, strife, envy, and self-pity. Once combined, fold this mixture into the ingredients in the large bowl, making sure to totally incorporate the complaining mixture throughout. Next, pour the batter into a pan that has been well-greased with unforgiveness, and sprinkle the top of the entire batter with unbelief. Bake in a hot oven until the smoke detector goes off. Then, enjoy yourself a large helping of Misery.

As I stated, Misery is both bitter and sour, but it is not a rare dish. Most people have heard of it, and many eat it daily- even some Christians. If you decide to use the recipe and make some Misery, please do me favor and don’t send any to me because I am on the Word diet and have sworn off of Misery.

You are my teacher, so I will always do whatever you decide. Your words are so sweet to me, like the taste of honey! I gain understanding from your instructions, so I hate anything that leads people the wrong way. Psalm 119:102-104 (Easy-to-Read Version, ERV)

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